Most of you would have heard the tragic news of Fiji Islands (my birth country) which was recently affected by category 5 Cyclone Winston. Sadly a lot of people lost their homes and loved ones. Everyone is now trying to rebuild their homes and move along with a “we are tough and still smiling” attitude. We thank the Australian government for providing the much needed aid to the people of Fiji. Fiji will always remain the warmest island with the friendliest people in the World. My story’s intention today is to put a smile on your faces during these times of hardship whether you’re a believer or non-believer. Hope you all enjoy.
Well how time flies. It’s been a while since my last recipe post. I’ve been thinking for a bit too long about my next post. My brains been all fuzzy wuzzy in the past few months. Writing isn’t easy. I personally find that it takes just that perfect mood to write humour. You can make a person emotional slightly easier than making someone laugh which takes some hard work and I salute all actors and stand-up comedians for the ease with which they express humour.
Speaking of actors and comedians I would like to mention a very special and humble person today who I adore and follow with a passion. Humble because he personally interacts with his fans and not the least bit akdu/obnoxious as one would assume he would be due to his fame and status. I was over the moon and passed out from a mini cardiac arrest when he acknowledged my messages.😖🙄😵 This very special persons name is Gaurav Gera
and he is well known as the character he plays of Shopkeeper and/or Chutki. Some of you might remember him as the character of Nandu from the Indian TV serial Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahin. Gaurav plays multiple characters in the short video clips he produces for social media groups such as You Tube, Facebook, twitter and Instagram. My personal favourite is the character he plays of Chutki who is depicted as a bit of a sleaze or as we would call in hindi a Tharkan (dignified one though) lol.
And equally charming is actor Rohit Chaudhury
from the Rohit and Chutki series who is forever vying for Chutkis attention. I’m totally besotted with this guy…ok ok I lie..I love them both equally and if I was an Arab prince I would have them both in my Harem hehehe 😬😬😬. If you’re looking for a great laugh which will literally leave you in splits especially for the amazing rubbery facial expressions then it’s a must to follow Gaurav Gera. You can click on highlighted link and follow him here 👉🏼 for Facebook and on Instagram as well as You Tube and Twitter He’s definately worth the stalk and troll!😊👌🏼
Here’s something to tickle your ribs….
“Wait! I can hear someone..hello who’s there? Are you trying to reach someone? Hmm he says he’s your plumber…yep…ahh…ohhh…I think I’m losing you..can you tell me more? Well he says he visited you regularly…umm especially when your hubby wasn’t home! oh dear! What? Hmm ok! I can see this spirit has dettachment issues….may I ask who you are?…oh really..ok wait I’ll let her know…well my dear he says he’s Peter the plumber….Oh wait..there’s someone else with him..do you happen to know Bob the builder? Well these boys say they are watching you and here to stay!!”
Interesting I say! I have consulted a few Psychics, numerologists, witch doctors (not by choice) astrologers and palm readers. They all send me back home feeling paranoid, satisfied, confused, delusional, depressed and hopeful. All with a different ending. Let me take you all through my experiences.
Scenario No.1 The Palm Reader– There I was in Agra India, killing time in the hotel lobby and happened to spot a Palm reader sitting in a corner. He had a table set up with signs sure to woo the gullible foreigners like me. I like to label myself a neutral skeptic and most times I approach them for fun and entertainment purposes only. Anyways through the reading the palmist tells me half a dozen things about the number of kids I’m destined to have and what not. Then he started circling the area between my thumb, first finger and wrist or as he calls that “special mound“. He says “I see you have a large and full mound…do you know what that means?” I say “no..no” (nodding my head desi style) He says “well there are very few people with thick and prominent mounds. Your perfect match is another “mounded” man just like me..see!!” He literally plastered his palm at my face. He then says “you know I knowwwww…I seeeee maa’m you are one amorousssss lady” with a twinkling look of sleaze in his red and swollen panda shaded eyes. He was stroking my palm like he was driving his fingers over a speed hump. Then he says with excitement “I can see that you will marry twice too“(maybe he wished it was to him). I rushed into the reading and got away as fast as I could avoiding his sleazy salivating gaze everytime I walked passed the lobby.
The result – till today I’m waiting for that 2nd marriage to happen and I see no clear signs of it…bummer!! Now you guys tell me how difficult that task is going to be for me. I will have to forcefully try and grab a total strangers palm, twist it around and match it to mine and hope that the jigsaw puzzle fits.
Then there’s three easier and better options –
1) I lure them by becoming a palm reader myself🖐🏼
2) I just hi-five every potential candidate I see!!!👋🏼
3) I open an agency for aranged palm matchmaking like haath-i.com (haath-meaning hand, haathi- meaning elephant) or haath-i mere saathi.com (or in other words hand/elephant my companion) 👫
Scenario No.2 The Astrologer – “Hmmm I see from your charts that your venus is ruled by uranus“…I think out aloud “WTF !!” Ahhh ok i see what they meant. “At about 12pm on 12/12/12 you will experience the clash of your planet mercury with saturn therefore a donation of $1000 is required to avoid this catastrophe from happening. Act now think later!”
The Result – I return home feeling confused about the whole planetry issues and out of pocket for a ritual that made no difference to the catastrophic clash of titans happening back at home bahhh!! 😫🌚🌝
Scenario No. 3 The Numerologist – “hmm 1+1 = 6. Your lucky number is 66, 69 and 99 go home and practice it” (I’ll be needing a Kamasutra for dummies for this one). “Change your name asap and add a few extra a’s in it and use only this new name to sign official docs it will prove to be lucky as your wealth triples and you eventually end up making TV serials starting with the letter K“.
The Result – well I didn’t change my name Sanjana since it’s already a difficult name for everyone to pronounce here in Aus. Can you imagine the name Sonjaaanaaa? Now this takes me right back to my college days (flashback time) of how lovingly I used to get teased by my friends “Sanjaaaana has a banana in her ____” (fill in the blanks)😱😂
Scenario No. 4 The Psychic – “Hmmm I have just contacted someone“. “Oh my dahling aren’t you a blessed one” she whispered. “You have a spiritual guide and that is your great great great uncle. He will always be with you“. There’s me thinking thats actually quite freaky..i dont want a spirit hanging off of me 24/7).🔮
The Result – I return home super paranoid feeling I’m constantly being watched. I got so paranoid that until this very day I refuse to close my eyes in the shower when shampooing my hair. What if this “uncle” is a pervert. He knows everything. Follows me to the toilet to the bedroom. Excuse me uncleji but come on yaar (mate) I need some privacy no!👀👻
Scenario No. 5 – The Ojha (the witch doctor) yep been to em all. Says to me that the devil resides in me (all because I had just learnt at a delicate age to express my opinions). He says “I command you to take her to the river and cut a lemon on her head and dip her in the river” (at the same time beating his chest and screaming eeeeehhh eeehhhh) Mind you I wasn’t allowed much clothing apart from a sarong. Then the witch doctor (who appeared to me as the one as the devil not me) starts rubbing some dried leaves and powder from my head down to my toes skimming over my curvaceous sumo wrestler bumps. I thought (this dr is nothing but a frikkin pervert) but I had to remain calm. There I was anxiously waiting for the devil to possess me and for me to be screaming and yelling eeeeeeh oooohhhh eeeeeh oooohhhh ooooohhh….ohhh yessss ohhhh yessss yessss yesss (oops incoming error – this sound effect doesn’t belong here – delete) I thought I will pass out next and not remember who all I had thrashed that day.👺
The Result – Went home smelling like ocean breeze and lemon fragranced toilet air freshner and disappointed because I really wanted to see myself beating my chest and pulling mine and everyone else’s hairs out!!! 👹
This concludes my experiences of the occult kind. Moving on to the recipe today of Punjabi Aloo-Puri which is contributed by my sister-in-law Arti Soni.
* Disclaimer – This story is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and locations have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious.
4-5 Medium Potatoes (boiled & peeled)
2 Medium Tomatoes
1 large Purple Onion
Pinch Of Asaeofedita
2 Tbspn Ginger (crushed)
1/4 Tspn Garam Masala
1/4 Tspn Tumeric
1/2 to 1 Tspn Kashmiri Chilli Powder
1 Tbspn Dried Kasturi Methi Leaves
Salt To Taste
• Chop the onions finely.
• Chop the tomatoes and add into a food processor with the onions. Process until its a fine paste.
• Crush the ginger.
• Peel the pre-boiled potatoes and cube into bite sized pieces and set aside half a potato. Now roughly mash the halved potato piece with your fingers.
• Heat oil in a non-stick cooking pot and turn the heat down. Then add a pinch of asaeofedita stirring for a second or two then add crushed ginger. Allow ginger to brown lightly until raw smell is gone.
• Next add the tomato onion paste with all the dry spices haldi, masala, salt and chillies. Allow it to cook in the lowest heat setting until the oil drifts up to the top. Stir it occassionally so the paste doesn’t burn.
• Once the paste is ready add the potatoes and stir to coat the paste then add boiled water to cover the potatoes.
• Allow it to cook for 5 minutes then add the dried Kasturi methi leaves and cook further 5 minutes.
• Once done enjoy with garma garam (hot) Puris.
Leaving you with two of my favourite clips by Gaurav Gera.